Lasers, as a sci-fi staple they're up there with aliens, eternal night, robots sent from the future and Lance Henriksen, so it's good news to sci-fi fans to hear that a laser weapon is ever nearer. Hoorah! More weapons to eradicate our fellow man, just what we need in this current climate of fear, blame-mongering, hatred and contempt!

While lasers are something straight out of popular sci-fi, I think the world is edging ever closer to a sci-fi akin to that of Philip K Dick. If there's ever been a paranoid drug fiend, he's your man. He deals with the blurring line between the real and imagined, constantly confusing the reader with multiple realities, dead-ends that look like answers, cruel jokes, non-linear timelines and highly elusive conclusions. His characters are swathed in an eerie despondency, a hopelessness, a feeling of being trapped eternally in a mirror house of confusion and falsehood. That, I think, is closer to the realities we face each day.

But anyway, don't let that grind you down, lasers are cool! Imagine a laser this powerful in one of those laser toys for cats. Here kitty, kitty, here kit- ZIMP! MEOW!! Where'd kitty go? And where'd all this fur come from?

Everyone's favourite crime fighting, orphaned weirdo is in for some trouble. Looks like Bob Kane's name for his seminal cultural icon wasn't so original after all, or so some bozos claim...

Whatever next? Mother Nature's going to sue Stan Lee and Steve Ditko for copyright infringement and getting the colours all wrong, you fools, when creating Spider-Man (ever seen a red and blue spider?). Is the body of an old ship or some 'unwieldy mass' going to sue Marvel for stealing the name Hulk?

Will the gravestone of influential comic-book legend Jack Kirby get desecrated by some ageing grey-haired beach bum, for stealing his moniker of Silver Surfer? Is a bolt of lightning going to strike down DC comics HQ for stealing the name Flash? Huh? Is it? Is that what you want! Jeez, I can feel my very DNA beginning to unravel in maddening fury.

It's just plain ridiculousness, although it is quite fun to think of various superheroes and then think up what sort of thing could sue them for stealing its name. Fun for about 30 seconds anyway.

So go on give it a try and send them to giveahoot@hotmail.com, the best ones'll get sued for stealing my idea.